Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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