Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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