Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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