"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
