he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i need some magic done to my vagina
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
