I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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