Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
