Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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