the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dear god my vagina.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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