ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
