I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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