Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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