So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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