my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So. Much. Porn.
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