is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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