so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
