The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
