I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
