Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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