You made me cry and you don't even care
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
