It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
