i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I smell like Dick and happiness
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
