let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
