I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
