So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
