Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
