You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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