Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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