i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
