After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
