Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
