Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Farmville is her only friend.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
