There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize