david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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