Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
