I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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