I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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