did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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