so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
