yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
