We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
