i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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