Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
