just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
