So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
