For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
