oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
