I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
