I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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