Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
