i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
