He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
