i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
