Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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