my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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