its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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