My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
