Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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