I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
