I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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