This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
