fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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