some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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