Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
