I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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