Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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