May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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